LEND ME YOU

Lend me your eyes so that

you may see. Lend me your

ears so that you may hear.

You soul you must keep.

That's not what I need

 and I don't want to make

you weep.

Lend me a joke so that we may

laugh. Lend me your arms so 

that you may help me climb.

Lend me your smile so I can give

it back to you. Your soul you must

keep. That's what I need and I don't

want to make you weep.

Lend me your hand so that

I may reach out to you. Lend

me your time so that I may show

you my world. Your soul you must

keep.  That's not what I need and I 

don't want to make you weep.

WHERE WORLDS COLLIDE

This is where children learn

to play and join the world. The

autistic boy is lost in a different

world. This is where kids turn on

their minds and make believe. They

build castles with information they

receive. The autistic boy is not welcome.

He gets left behind when they leave.

This is where kids learn to grab onto

a world that they will tame. There's no place

for the autistic boy in their game.

This is where kids get a turn at bat. The boys hit

home runs on a date. The autistic boy never even

makes it to the plate.

This is where everybody shoots to score and high fives

their buddies. The autistic boy is looking over

his shoulder for bullies.

One Square At A Time

Have you ever found yourself between a rock and a hard place?  That’s where I’ve been lately.  I’ve been having trouble finding work.  Life has basically been sucking.  For a long time I was operating in what my sister calls crisis mode.  I’ve been focusing so hard on finding work that I had tunnel vision.  I kept hitting a wall in my job hunt. So now I’ve decided that instead of just finding a job I should take a step back and think about what I really want to do. 

In the midst of all of this I began playing chess with some friends.  It became a way to take my mind off of my problems for one night a week and have fun. Last week I learned something new about chess.  I discovered that the reason I keep losing is because I keep trying to get all of pieces out to the middle of the board and capture as many of my opponent’s pieces as I can and try too hard to win.  Last week I played with Jeremy and he showed me how I could control the center of the board one square at a time.  Once I had control of a few squares I was able to mount a more successful attack and develop a stradegy.   Why  don’t I find other things to do for fun? I wondered. On the advice of my psychologist I decided to get a hobby and live my life.  Since I was having trouble finding work and now that I’ve decided to take a different approach; why not volunteer?  

I searched online for volunteer jobs.  I kept going back to volunteermatch.com because they had more oportunities that didn’t require experience, a college degree, traveling to another country, or paying some membership fee.  I now volunteer at Feline Rescue.  It’s a no kill shelter for cats.  I have fun with the cats as I clean out their cages, swap out their litter boxes, feed them, and of course play with them.  One day I was cleaning the kitten room.  The kittens stopped what they were doing and watched me with curiousity.  One of them jumped on my back every time I bent over to pick something up.  There is another cat who takes hold of my hand in his paws whenever I pet him and he lightly, and playfully bites my hand.  He also licks my fingers.

I think the more activities I get involved in the less anxious I will be.  It’s a way to stay sane and keep busy.  My sister offered to pay for me to take a class.  That’s why when a Community Education Catolog came in the mail; I cirlcled a bunch of classes that I was interested in.  I decided on an acting class.  I start tomorrow. 

I’m finding some hobbies, getting involved in activities, and staying as busy as I can.  Someone once told me that life is like  chess.  You have to keep moving and use your resources wisely.  I agree with him.  That’s why I am solving my problems one square at a time.

Woman Of The Sea

My poetry group had an assignment to visit the art museum and find a piece that inspires us to write.  I thought I wouldn't find anything but I found four paintings that intrigued me.  One them was a painting of a beautiful and naked mermaid in the sea among fish. Some how this fueled an animal like passion inside me and that's what this poem is about.

WOMAN OF THE SEA

Woman of the sea.  You are all

I want to see.  naked as you swim

among the fish.  I gaze upon you

as I would a tasty dish.

You are so lovely.  My attention

is in your captivity.  I am

aroused by your beauty.

You are a fantasy. My

desire for you has no place

in reality.

Silence

Silence is the key to

our imagination. It is

broken by the talkers of 

this nation.

Silence is wrong! It's our silence

that makes them strong. Our silence

gives them everything. They leave us

with nothing. They blow hot air.

They forget who put them there.

Payback comes when they're

about to speak. They step

up to the podium and look

around but can't find the

tele prompter.  That's

when their silence makes

them weak. I know this

means things are bleak.

But I'm laughing way to hard

to be sad.

Politicians don't like to look

bad. It makes them

really mad.

CHECK MATE

Have you ever felt like a loser?  Was there ever a challenge that seemed daunting or overwhelming? That’s how I’ve been feeling lately.  I’ve been out of work for over a year.  I ran out of money after I lost my job and had to move in with my sister.  It’s hard finding work but I occasionally do find a job.  Then the problem is making it last longer than a week.   I once had a job that lasted eight years.  Now I can’t make a job last longer than a week.  In the middle of all of this, I was diagnosed with asperger syndrome.  So, now there are two major issues on my mind....how to keep a job and understanding my disorder and what that means for me.  Chess was the farthest thing from my thoughts two weeks ago when I bumped into my friend Pablo in front of the Tea Garden.

I was out for a walk in uptown late one tuesday afternoon. I was in the throws of a depression as two issues were at the front of my thoughts.  They were my current living and employment situation and my recent diagnosis of asperger syndrome.  I came to a conclusion about both of them.  As to my problem keeping a job I decided that all I can do is live with the way things are.  No, I’m not happy about that conclusion and it’s not a solution but I don’t have a solution right now.  As to my asperger syndrome.  I decided that I need to read more books about it if I am to understand it better.  I found myself at the corner in front of the Tea Garden as I wondered what I should do next.  That’s when I saw Pablo.  We spoke briefly.  “I’m meeting some friends for chess.” He said. He asked if I would like to join them.  Why not? I thought.  All I’ve got now is time. He invited me in and I followed him inside.

We found his friends and sat down at their table.  Pablo unrolled a tube.  It was a portable chess board.  I had never seen a portable chess board before.  I was amazed by it.  Pablo asked me if I had ever played chess before.  “No.” I said.  Pablo began my lesson.  He introduced the pieces to me; the pawns, the knights, bishops, rooks, queen, and king.  He instructed me in the ways that those pieces could move across the board.  The pawns could only move straight ahead, but they can capture diagonally and you want to save them if you can because they could potentially make it all the way to the other side and get promoted. Also, they protect the other pieces. The knights can only move in an L shape, but they can jump over other pieces. The bishops can only move diagonally but they can move all the way across the board in one move until another piece is in their way. The rooks like the bishops can go all the way across the board but they can only move straight ahead. The queen can move in any direction she wants as many squares as she can.  The king can only move one square at a time in any direction.

The game began.  I played with Pablo’s friend Pete.  Pete knew that I was a novice and occasionally gave me some guidance...when he saw that I made an “illegal” move.  Pablo and another friend sat at the table next to ours with another portable chess board and a clock.  They’re playing a serious game. I thought.  Every time one of them made a move they would tap a button on top of the clock. Pete and I were not playing with a clock so our game went a bit slower as we would often pause to think about what move to make next.  I lost that game, but it wasn’t about winning or losing.  It was about learning something new and having fun, which I did.

I met Pablo and his friends at the Tea Garden again the next tuesday evening for another round of chess.  I played with Pablo’s cousin this time and lost again. Oh well.  It still wasn’t about win or losing. It was about taking my mind off of my problems for a couple of hours, relaxing, and having fun playing chess.Then I played with Pete’s son and lost to him.  Then I met Pablo’s friend Julie.

In walked Julie with her cousin Katheryn.  They sat at our table and we all chatted briefly as Pablo gave Julie the same lesson he  had given me. Pablo introduce me to Julie and he told her that I was just learning how to play chess too.  So, Julie and I played chess.  We had a nice conversation while we played.  Julie is in the boat I’m in.  She’s out of work, out of money, and sleeping on a friend’s couch. I mentioned that I was having “crappy luck” with jobs lately.  “These are bad times for everybody.” Pablo interjected. Pablo watched as Julie and I played and he acted as a consultant. 

Julie and I played for a good forty minutes and at the end....I won!  I didn’t expect to win so I didn’t have an endgame strategy.  When it came down to just my two rooks and her king I knew I had her cornered but I didn’t know how to finish her off.  Pete showed me something called a rook roll.  He showed me how I could use my rooks to push her king back until there was nowhere left for her to go but her king would still be in check. this was called a check mate. I walked home in a good mood that night.  I had a fun evening playing chess with friends and I won.  I was surprised that I had won.  For once, I didn’t feel like a loser. 

SAY IT IF IT'S WORTH LOVIN' ME

These prison walls won’t open up and set me free.  These mean streets will

yield no love to me.  I always feel like I’m drowning.  That’s why I’m always

frowning.  The world keeps rubbing my face in the dirt. But It’s this loneliness that

makes me hurt.  All I need is you.  All I want is you.

Say it to me. Say it for me.  Say it if it’s worth lovin’ me.  Hurry!  I’m slippin’.

Show me what it’s like to be the man you love.  Show me what it’s like 

to be the one you want.  Show me that there’s hope.  If you hold me

I will cope.

Say it to me.  Say it for me.  Say it if it’s worth lovin’ me.  Hurry!  I’m fallin’.

Show me what it’s like to be in love.  Show me what I miss.  

Show me what it’s like to feel your lips on mine

in a kiss.  Show me how to love you. Show me 

that you love me and I’ll show you what I can do.

Say it to me.  Say it for me.  Say it if it’s worth lovin’ me.  Hurry!  I’m sinkin’.

I’m standing on a bridge.  I’m teetering on the edge.  My pain is 

flowing from my eyes.  I’m looking down at my demise. Life keeps knocking

 me down.  That’s why I always wear this frown.  All I need is

you.  All I want is you.

Say it to me.  Say it for me.  Say it if it’s worth lovin’ me.  Hurry!  I’m drownin’.

Nonverbal Learn Disability

Many of you have seen my post on facebook about my recent diagnoses of asperger syndrome. I'm not 100% sure but I think I also have another disorder called Nonverbal Learning Disability(NLD) which is not yet recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of mental disorders.

Here's what I've read about it so far. Nonverbal Learning Disability is caused by right hemispheric brain dysfunction (damage to the right side of the brain). The right side is responsible for for visual spatial processing, which in turn is responsible for interpreting nonverbal behavior of others. The right brain is also responsible for stringing together bits and pieces of sensory data from the 5 senses and turning those details into a main idea (common sense). Common sense refers to the ability to synthesize the sensory input from 5 senses and simultaneously interpret the data from those senses. In other words people with NLD have trouble taking in everything at once and might apear to lack common sense.

The left brain, responsible for details, excels for people with NLD and tends to over compensate for the deficits of the right brain. The person with NLD becomes proficient with rote learning and memorization but temds to struggle with mathematics and science. People with NLD (unlike many people with aspergers and high functioning autism) temd to be auditory learners.

--Nick Dubin author of
Aspergers Syndrome And Anxiety
A Guide to Successful Stress Management

MIRROR IMAGE

I don't like what I see in the mirror.

It always shows me a horror. I'm brought

down by my reflection. All I feel is rejection.

I wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face.

Make me disapear without a trace.

I don't like what I see in the mirror.

It always shows me a horror. No one's ever

gonna love me. They hate what they see when

they look at me. All I know is pain and

misery.

I don't like what I see in the mirror.

It always shows me a horror. I'm brought

down by my reflection. All I feel is rejection.

I'm a lonely boy. There is no joy. No one's ever

gonna love me. They hate what they see when

they look at me.

I don't like what I see in the mirror.

It always shows me a horror. I'm brought

down by my reflection. All I feel is rejection.

I wanna change my hair, my clothes, my face.

Make me disapear without a trace.

C'mon Obama

The dream is still alive.

It can still bring us joy. There's

hope for every man, woman, girl, and

boy. We can still save our country.

C'mon Obama. Let's fix the economy.

Let's send everybody back to work.

I'm sick and tired of being an unemployed

jerk.

The dream is still alive.

It can still bring us joy. There's

hope for every man, woman, girl, and

boy. Right now we're takin' some hard

knocks. We could use a hand. C'mon Obama.

Let's get to work and move some rocks.

The dream is still alive.

It can still bring us joy. There's

hope for every man, woman, girl, and

boy. Right now our country is a

ship with broken ores. We need

your help. C'mon Obama. You talk

a lot about dreams and levees. Here's

a chance to show us yours.

The dream is still alive.

It can still bring us joy. There's hope

for every man, woman, girl, and

boy. We're lost in a dark tunnel

with no end in sight. C'mon Obama.

we need your help to break daylight.

The dream is still alive.

It can still bring us joy. There's

hope for every man, woman, girl, and

boy. we're on a ship with broken

ores. C'mon Obama. You talk

a lot about dreams and levees.

Here's a chance to show us

yours.

The Deaf Girl Dances

I sing and I play guitar. The deaf

girl dances. We bond while others

engage in fleeting romances. I get through

to her on a wave of a vibration. It stirs in

her an emotion. She responds by putting

her body in motion.

I sing and play guitar. The deaf

girl dances. We bond while others

engage in fleeting romances. I get through

to her on a wave of a vibration. It stirs in her

an emotion. She twists and turns.

A fire in me burns.

I sing and play guitar. The deaf

girl dances. We bond while others

take their chances. I get through

to her on a wave of a vibration. It stirs

in her an emotion. She keeps swaying.

I keep playing. She keeps spinning.

I keep singing.

I sing and play guitar. The deaf

girl dances. We bond while others

take their chances. I get through

to her on a wave of a vibration. It stirs

in her an emotion. She responds by

putting her body in motion. She keeps

twisting. I keep playing. She keeps

turning. I keep yearning.

DIRTY LAUNDRY

I'm filling out a job application.
I hope to get a job with this employer.
This is what I'm doing as my clothes
spin around a washer.

It's hard finding work. I feel like
such a jerk. I'm worried about my
unemployment. That's what's on my mind
as I descend into the basement. I'm well
aware that I have no money. This what I
ponder as I gaze at my wet laundry.

I've been tenaciously searching. Blasting my
resume through the Internet like an injection.
But I keep hitting a fire wall of rejection. In
an interview, I always blow it. This is on my mind
as I'm careful not to trip on my laundry basket.

As I put my laundry in the dryer I think about
how to make my chances stronger. Don't forget the fabric
softener. I have a bad habit of doubting myself. I have to
break it. It has to stop or I'll never make it.

10 THINGS I LEARNED THIS YEAR ABOUT LIVING IN MINNESOTA

10. Stop doing that!
9. Living in the city has it's drawbacks: those would be the sight of your neighbor's bedroom and livingroom when you DRAW BACK your curtains in the morning.
8. Watch out for the ice.
7. 3 humans and a dog living together is stressful on the humans.
6. The third human and the dog get to know each other well when the third human has no job, no money, and has to be taken care of like he's the other pet.
5. When you slip on the ice, try to land on your butt. It breaks the fall.
4. She's not looking at you because your cute. She just needs a good laugh.
3. When you're afraid you might break the scale, it's time to stop eating and go to the gym.
2. Already having done a seasonal job with a company(who shall not be named) does NOT count for anything in the job interview when you want to be a full-time employee with said company.

And finally: Yes, dogs do fart.

SILENCE

Here's the other version. This one's satire:)

Silence is the key to our imagination. It is broken by the talkers of this nation.
Silence is wrong! It's our silence that makes them strong. Our silence gives them everything. They leave us with nothing. They blow hot air. They forget who put them there.
Payback comes when they're about to speak. They step up to the podium and look around but can't find the teleprompter. That's when their silence makes them weak. I know this means thing are bleak. But I'm laughing way to hard to be sad.
They don't like to look bad. It makes them really mad.

By Eben Cooper

SILENT

Here are two more poems that I re-wrote from an older version. One is a love poem and the other is a satirical look at our politicians. They were originally one poem, but after I showed it to a friend who teaches writing he said that it sounded like I had two poems in one. So, I separated it into two poems. Here's the love poem.

I need to prove that I'm right. You need to make a point tonight. You slam you cup on the coffee table. It shakes and makes everything unstable.
It sounds like your only bitchin'. So, I follow you as you stomp into the kitchen. You back is to me. Your hands rest on the sink. Neither one of us stops to think. You keep sobbing. I keep yelling.
You don't respond. Even after I kick a chair. I throw my hands up into the air. I storm out the door. The rain continues to poor.
I need to cool off so I rome. A few hours later I come home. I'm soaking wet as I enter the house. I try to be as quiet as a mouse. I find you sitting on the bed. Your hands are holding up your head. We are both in despair. I slump into a chair.
So, here we are. We both wonder how we got to this place. How can we end this disgrace? That's when embrace. We both feel that things are bleak. That's why I caress your cheek.
You don't need to tell me your fears. I can see them in your tears. We end this fight with a kiss. We turn it into bliss.
We don't need to talk about it. You know what I thought. I know what you meant. Let's just hold each other and be silent.

By Eben Cooper

HEART SMART

Have you ever been in love with someone who's flaws and shortcomings always seemed to get in their way? But you love them so accept them the way they are flaws and all. That's what I was thinking of when I wrote this.

According to a test my brain's only worth fifty cents.
I don't know much but I've got a book and some common sense.
I don't know much but I know that I love you.
You know my love is true.

I don't do well in school but I pass with straight cs.
When you and I put our heads together we can find a way to have fun.
You get a rope. I'll get a tire. we can tie it to a branch and swing from the trees.

If you put a math problem in front of me it'll go over my head.
I'll wish I was dead. OK, I'm not a smart guy.
But you love me. That makes me feel like I can fly.

Things don't come to me with ease.
I don't know how to show you how I feel
but my shirts have hearts on the sleeves.

I love you because you love me.
When I'm with you I don't have to be anything special.
I'm enough just being me.

By Eben Cooper

LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE HER STAY

I never had this problem but I have a few friends who's relationships ended for this reason.

Maybe love was enough to make her want you.
But now it's not enough to make her stay with you.
Once, she chose you. Now she wants to leave you.

You can love her until it tears you apart.
You can love her until it breaks you heart.
She will leave you and go away.
Love isn't enough to make her stay.

Once, all you had to do was smile and she'd kiss you.
Once all you had to do was listen and she'd hold you.
Once, you were her rock. You were her shoulder.
Now she wants more because she's gotten a few years older.
She will leave you and go away.
Love isn't enough to make her stay.
She'll say goodbye and walk away.
Love isn't enough to make her stay.

by Eben Cooper

Mr. Frost

I found a book of poems that I wrote when I was in college. I decided to revise one of them. When I originally wrote this I was thinking of the poet Robert Frost.

MR. FROST

I'm following Mr. Frost. He's going somewhere.
I want him to lead me. I'm following Mr. Frost.
He's got something he wants to show me.

I'm following Mr. Frost. He's my guide.
We're both searching for our pride.
He knows this road like the back of his hand.
When we get to the end our destination will be at hand.
This is his road. He always takes it. He says that's because there's less traffic on it.

I'm following Mr. Frost. He's my guide.
We're both searching for our pride.

By Eben Cooper