A New Joke

Dustin Hoffman told this joke on the Conan O'Brian show the other night.
A woman was in her kitchen cooking. Her son was in the living room playing with his train. This is what the woman heard. "Chugga chugga chugga choo choo. This is the Los Angeles train station. This train is bound for San Francisco. Anyone getting on get the fuck on. Anyone getting off get the fuck off." The mom was shock by what she heard. She marched into the living room. "I do not like the foul language that I just heard" she said. "I don't know what your father was thinking when he gave you that toy. You get upstairs right now, stand in the corner for one hour and think about those foul words." The boy stomped upstairs. A little over an hour later he came back down. He walk by the kitchen and saw his mom still cooking. He went back into the living room and played with his train again. This is what his mom heard. "Chugga chugga chugga choo choo. This is the Los Angeles train station. This train is bound for San Francisco. Anyone getting on get on." Oh it worked; she thought. Good parenting; she thought. What she heard next was this. "Anyone getting off get off. If anyone is wondering why this train is an hour and fifteen minutes late. Ask the fucking cunt bitch in the kitchen."

Too Much Blood

Alan's dad had a massive stroke on Friday. He was fine on Thanksgiving. He was the same old lovable Stuart; full of energy, life, laughter, and jokes. Friday morning we found him on the bathroom floor. We called 9-1-1 and the paramedics came and took him to the hospital. The Doctors ran every test and he did not respond at all. They discovered that he had a stroke. Usually with a stroke something blocks the flow of blood from the heart to the brain. It was just the opposite in Stuart's case. Too much blood went to his brain and basically flooded it. They had to transfer him to another hospital because there was a neurologist who could operate on him. We waited in the ICU. When you find yourself in the ICU you're waiting for bad news. They shaved his head and put tubes in his head to drain the fluids. They told us to wait twenty four hours and then we'd see how he is. The next morning the doctors gave us some good news. There was some brain activity but he was still in a coma. Again they told us to wait twenty four hours. Under the circumstances Leah and Alan did not want to leave the hospital so they decided it would be best I flew home so they booked me a flight home Saturday night. I made it home with no problems at all. The next night Leah called me. Stuart died. The twenty four hours came and went and he didn't get any better so they decided to take him off of life support. He breathed on his own for a while then died. His funeral will be tomorrow. After that Leah and Alan will be home by the end of the week.